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During his 1990s assault on celebrity culture, Paul Kaye creation Dennis Pennis battled his way to the front of the media scrum surrounding Some Like It Hot actor Tony Curtis, ageing gracefully on the arm of a pneumatic blonde, at a film premiere. ‘My name’s Dennis, man,’ he explained, having caught Curtis’ eye. ‘I specialise in making celebrities look ridiculous… but I don’t think I’ll bother this time.’ Immediately spinning on his heel, Pennis leaves the date stifling a giggle while Curtis struggles to fix a recovery stare on the middle distance.

Before football became an ‘integrated leisure experience’ (thank you, FA Blueprint for the Future of Football), deciding to go to the game required nothing more than a pat of your pockets. Keys? Wallet? Right, I’m off.